just as insane as I am
by xIrelandx
Summary: Luna x Harry, slight AU-Canon Divergence. NO HINNY OR CHARRY. Part of the 30 Day OTP challenge. Some background Ron x Hermione and Ginny x Neville.
1. Chapter 1

Harry tries not to let his feelings get in the way where his friendship with Luna is concerned. Which is ridiculous, really. Harry's emotions are always in the way of everything, all the time. It's part of being a teenager – the part he hates most, really.

Some days he's afraid he might shout at her. He wants to tell her to grow up, to cut her hear, to wear normal clothes. Anything to get her angry, to get her riled up, because he's never seen her that way before. It wears on his patience. How can anyone be that calm?

Hermione and Ron finally agree on one thing, and that's that Harry should let it go. 'So she's calm, mate. What's the big deal about it?'

'This, coming from you?' Harry snaps, and Ron raises his hands in defense.

'I'm just saying, Harry, what does it matter that Luna keeps a cool head? Someone's got to.'

'Is that what Hermione does for you?' Harry asks, part genuinely curious and part intentional pain in the arse. Hermione blushes and looks away. Ron shakes his head at Harry – not because he's saying no, but because he can't believe Harry went there.

But why shouldn't Harry be at least a little bit annoyed. He's seen Ron and Hermione holding hands now. It's not quite at the 'everywhere we go' level, but it's often enough to get under Harry's skin. It bothers him that this bothers him so much, because it's such a small thing that makes both of his friends so happy.

Harry's honestly not sure he's capable of being happy anymore.

He loses it at Ginny one day in the common room. She's playing some sort of board game with Neville that involves loud, snapping pieces and the noise is driving Harry up the wall. (Really, though, everything is driving Harry up the wall these days.) Instead of bursting into tears as she might've done three or four years ago, back when they first met, Ginny glares at him and tells him to get bent. She storms out of the common room and Neville follows, looking torn. Harry is his friend, but then so is Ginny. Perhaps Neville should have been a Hufflepuff instead.

Regardless, Harry has caused such a scene that one of the first-years – one who clearly doesn't understand what hose prefects are for – has called Professor McGonagall down to the common room. She's red-faced from dealing with Umbridge and clearly doesn't need any more trouble from Harry, but she tries to keep a level head when she asks Harry what's wrong. 'If you need to talk to anyone, Potter,' she reminds him as she prepares to leave, 'You know where my office is.'

'Why can't I speak to Professor Dumbledore?' Harry blurts before he has time to edit his words so they sound less ungrateful.

Professor McGonagall only gives him a worrying look and suggests that he take a walk to clear his head. She reminds Harry, in that moment, of a sports coach.

* * *

Harry does take his walk, if only so he can say that he's done it, he's tried, and therefore no one should criticize him if things go wrong. Unsurprisingly, he finds Luna in the forest, feeding the thestrals. He wouldn't say she's beautiful like this, but he wants to, and that angers him. She smiles at him, even though he's glaring and pouting. She talks to him like a long-lost friend and doesn't expect answers to questions she knows are too personal.

'Why don't you ever get angry, Luna?' Harry snaps. He wants to close his mouth and stop the word flow, but it's like he's been slipped Veritaserum. He simply can't stop. 'Doesn't it get frustrating, keeping it all inside all of the time?'

Luna's smiling at him still, and he growls a little bit, fists shaking. 'Are you going to hit me, Harry?' Luna asks. But she doesn't seem worried. Only…amused.

Harry's horrified by himself and starts to pace, fisting his hands in his hair so they'll stop shaking. 'No, Luna, no. I don't – I mean, I would never –'

'I do get angry, Harry,' Luna says. She's put a hand on his shoulder to stop his frantic movements, and the warmth seeps through. It should annoy Harry, but it doesn't. 'It just takes a lot to get me that way. But I do get angry, and I am angry. I'm angry about what Umbridge is doing to us. I'm angry that Dumbledore won't talk to you. I'm angry that you're angry, because there's nothing I can do about it.' Harry was simply staring at Luna now, barely able even to process the thoughts in his head. He'd never known somebody to be angry on his behalf, at least not like this. Hermione had been angry for his situation, but only when she felt he did nothing to deserve it.

'There's no point in my shouting or anything, because that won't help you. I'm just here in case you need anybody. Isn't that what friends are for?' She tilted her head at him and Harry clenched his jaw, nodding.

'You don't need to talk about anything, if you don't want to. I'd prefer it if you didn't hit me –'

'I won't, Luna,' Harry felt his stomach drop. 'I just – I don't know what's happening to me. I almost hit Hermione the other day, and I just –'

Luna took his hand and squeezed it. 'Just let it go,' Luna said. 'We all do reckless things, sometimes. You especially.'

Harry looked at her with confusion, knowing Luna to often accidentally insult people without meaning to. 'How do you mean?' Harry asked for clarification.

Luna shrugged, looking over. 'You're a Gryffindor. Recklessness is in your nature.' She smiled. 'You wouldn't be you without it.'

She turned back to their view of the thestrals, but Harry still felt uneasy, the need to do penance outweighing the calm feeling Luna always brought with her. He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat it to him.

'I forgive you for it. And I would have forgiven you if you'd hit me,' she squeezed his hand. 'I'd be more afraid for you if you did, anyway.'

'Why?'

She shrugged again. 'You already feel like you're losing your way. I wouldn't want you to feel like you were losing me, too.'


	2. Day 02: Cuddling Somewhere

Harry wasn't sure they had intended to wind up quit like this, but it happened nonetheless. Ron and Hermione had been studying for eight straight hours, at Hermione's insistence, and now she lay inclined on Ron's body. They were seated at the end of the couch in the common room, where they'd been when Harry had left them after midnight to do some lonesome sulking. Ron had his head tilted back and was snoring quietly, one arm planted firmly on the arm of the couch while the other was slung along the back. Hermione whimpered in her sleep and stretched, moving minutely further into Ron's chest.

Seated just so on the couch, with Hermione's socked feet tucked up underneath her, they looked like the perfect young couple – high school sweethearts, Muggles called them. Harry could hardly stand the sight of it and felt himself growing nauseas. Although he was perfectly capable of clearing his throat or finding some other, less embarrassing way of waking his friends, he dropped his heavy potions textbook onto the coffee table between them.

The two woke with a start and pushed away from each other. Harry didn't even try to hide his smirk, and earned a much-deserved pillow to the head for his troubles.

* * *

Luna was normally a rock in the stormy sea of teenage emotions, especially among their drama-heavy group of friends. So when she didn't show up to the DA meeting, everyone was worried – including those who didn't care much for her breezy nature and odd conversation topics.

'I guess someone should go get her,' Dean said uncomfortably, looking to the Ravenclaws.

Cho Chang shook her head. 'She wasn't in the Tower – we usually all go down together.'

There was a slight pause in which Harry, feeling defensive, walked to the centre of their circle and pronounced, 'Don't worry about it. I'll go and find her.'

'Harry,' Hermione hissed, 'Are you sure? You're supposed to be the teacher!'

'No one gets left behind,' Harry told her, making sure his words were loud enough to be heard before leaving the room of requirement in search of their wayward friend.

In truth, he didn't really need to search for her because he knew where she went. The two of them seemed to choose similar hiding places. Knowing Luna, she probably just lost track of time and hadn't realized the DA meeting had started, but still Harry's stomach knotted at the idea of Umbridge capturing and Luna and attempting to trick her into giving information. That was the one good thing about people's attitude toward Luna, though: they constantly underestimated her. There would come a time, Harry knew, when Luna's element of surprise became an advantage to the group instead of a disadvantage to the individual.

Harry's hands balled into fists at the way even Luna's other housemates treated her. He wouldn't call it contempt, but they were certainly uncomfortable with her. Was it just because she was different? People seemed to celebrate the difference when it was Harry, and now that they were older and more well-adjusted people even tolerated Hermione fairly well. The idea that Luna was made an outcast people couldn't understand her made Harry's teeth grind into sharp points, and he had to bite the inside of his check to keep himself from growling.

(Not that this feeling was anything new. He seemed to get it a lot, recently, and often woke up to a bloody mouth to find that he'd been chewing on his tongue in his sleep. Even in his dreams, he was angry.)

Harry found Luna exactly where he thought he would: sheltered against a big tree in the forest. She wasn't feeding the thestrals, though; merely watching them as the mother creature played with her child. Luna was barefoot and sitting with her knees to her chest, ankles crossed.

'Hello, Harry,' she called as he approached.

Harry didn't ask for permission, simply sitting down next to her. 'We wanted to know where you were. We were getting worried.'

A humorless laugh tinkled from Luna's mouth. 'Not we, Harry.'

Harry sighed. 'Okay, maybe not. But I wanted to know.'

Luna turned to him, and he was shocked to see her eyes were wet. 'I didn't feel like dealing with them. Not today…' She trailed off and turned back to her view of the mother and child. It occurred to Harry then why today was different from any other day. 'I can't always be as strong as everyone expects me to be. Normally I just brush it off, but…'

'But some days it's too much to handle,' Harry finished. Luna nodded without looking at him.

Harry wasn't really any good with physical affection, because it wasn't something the Dursleys had taught him to be accustomed to. Hermione was big on hugging, but Harry didn't always return those hugs and never instigated them himself. Somehow, around Ron, it simply never seemed appropriate. He'd rather keep the peace between the three of them than argue that Hermione was hardly Ron's property to dictate – their friendship always seemed to be teetering on the edges as it was. There was no need to provoke it.

Harry lifted his left hand and set it on Luna's shoulder. He could feel her shivering, though whether it was the tears or the cold getting to her he couldn't tell. 'I'm sorry, Luna,' he whispered, because there wasn't a lot else he could say. He could yell at the world and tell them to leave her alone, but he doubted it would do either of them much good.

Luna let out a quiet sob and Harry squeezed her shoulder, dragging Luna over into his lap. She hid her face in his shirt and tried to stop the tears from coming, but it didn't matter to him that they did anyway. He rested his chin on her head and petted her hair, rubbed her back.

After a few minutes, the crying stop, and Luna pushed back, too embarrassed to actually look at Harry. And Harry didn't make her look.

'Ready to head back to the meeting?' he asked.

Luna smiled and nodded, taking his hand as she dragged him back to the castle.


End file.
